


S I L A K B O

by R_ATIN



Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mistletoe, One Shot, Sad, Sad Ending, Short One Shot, Spring, Summer, Winter, fall - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:06:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27858790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_ATIN/pseuds/R_ATIN
Summary: There are four seasons of love in Stell and Paulo's relationship.Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall.
Relationships: Stellvester "Stell" Ajero & John Paulo Nase | Sejun, Stellvester "Stell" Ajero/John Paulo Nase | Sejun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	S I L A K B O

**Author's Note:**

> This is the StellJun version of the JoKen one shot that I posted earlier on Twitter. Though I originally wrote this for StellJun, I thought I'd try this fic for my side ship instead. But then I realized I won't be able to sleep in peace so yeah, here you go.  
> This is angst, okay? And if you're reading the tags, it doesn't end well. I don't know why I even came up with this. Don't sue me. But I swear, it isn't so bad. "Moon Glade" is still my saddest fic to date LOL.
> 
> Enjoy the pain.

* * *

**_Winter_**. 

* * *

Christmas was nearing, and there was mistletoe innocently hanging a little above their heads. Twinkling glitters dusted along the gold-green twig. Stell looked at the mistletoe with wavering light in his eyes, like it were the stars in his dreams, and Paulo was his island universe.

With slight tingles brushing through the fabric of his woolen sweater, rough fingers planted across Stell’s back, and he let Paulo pull him in.

The first press of their lips was born under the Christmas leaf.

**_“You’re more beautiful than a snow crystal. I love you, Stell.”_ **

Stell turned red, unsure if he was dreaming.

**_“I love you too, Paulo.”_ **

Paulo smiled until his cheeks hurt. His tears broke into icicles even before it hit his chin.

**_“Thank you, Stell.”_** Paulo cried. ** _“Thank you. Thank you. I love you so much. I will not hurt you.”_**

In the midst of the blanket of ice, specks of gold and red glimmered in the spectrum of white. They fell in love, fast and deep. Despite the cold threatening to gnaw at his skin, Stell discovered Paulo’s warmth. And in that depth of winter, there would always be Paulo, his summer, glowing, soft, and supreme.

He saw himself in Paulo’s eyes, pale lips, cold skin, and breathing in snowflakes.

It was their favorite memory of the snow.

* * *

**_Spring_**.

* * *

It was by the small flowing river underneath a rain of cherry petals. Paulo had his guitar, a pencil tucked in his ear, and his soft hair blowing in the breeze that smelt of perfume. Stell was smiling as the gold-skinned boy strummed his guitar and his voice floated in the air, serenading him that song that Stell truly loved.

_Hey. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful angel~_

But Stell thought the beautiful one was Paulo. He looked like a petal, sweet and delicate.

**_“Kiss me, Paulo?”_** the younger lover blushed.

**_“I will be kissing you until we both wilt, my love.”_ **

They smiled brighter than the morning stars, and they blushed deeper than the pinks of the Sakura tree as lips parted and tongues meet in earnest. Stell winced at the slight saltiness he tasted in Paulo’s mouth. Paulo was crying, couldn’t believe that the most beautiful man was his.

**_“I, I can’t believe you’re mine,”_** Paulo confessed, his tears welling endlessly.

**_“I’m yours. This is real. We’re real.”_** Stell’s heart broke into a billion fragments; it was maddening and sweet. He couldn’t take it, didn’t know how to embrace this much love.

And yet, Stell was still falling harder, deeper, and he would allow himself to drown as long as it was with Paulo. There was nobody else but Paulo.

Paulo was his, would always be his.

It was their fondest memory of Spring.

* * *

**_Summer_**.

* * *

The sun was high up in the skies, reluctant to dip in the horizon that was already pink and orange. Stell and Paulo were supposed to go to this concert but they ditched it and went to the beach. They played ball in the pearl cream sands until they were out of breath and bought ice cream in vanilla and buttered popcorn and thought it tasted weird. But they ate as the cold cream melted in the heat and the sticky milk was dribbling along their fingers and they let each other lick them clean.

It was oh so hot, and they lied in the sands, baking their skins to a crisp as though they could shed their old selves out and embraced each other and basked in so much more heat than they thought they could ever need.

They kissed, and rolled in the sands, built sandcastles the way they built their dreams, where the two of them were in that world and they would never let each other go.

**_“I’m in love with Summer,”_** Stell said, voice soft.

**_“I’m in love with you though,”_** Paulo countered, closing his eyes as he pecked Stell’s lips again, tasting the last ounces of vanilla on his lips and he knew it would never be enough.

**_“You are my Summer,”_** Stell said, smiling ** _. “Paulo, my Summer.”_**

Stell loved the way Paulo’s name rolled on his tongue, and he teared up with the way Paulo smiled. Paulo never thought he could be happy like this.

“I love you more than that, Stell,” Paulo whispered into his ear. **_“I will always be yours.”_**

It was that Summer that wrapped them in its arms like a warm blanket, reveling in the glow of love and sun.

* * *

**_Fall_**.

* * *

Fall was all red and orange, sometimes gold, sometimes wet and cold. But then there was gray. Where it came from, Paulo couldn’t tell.

Paulo wanted to cry, but he didn’t. He bit his lips to stop it from trembling but the tremors slithered to his hands as he held the warm cup of pumpkin spice latte, his favorite.

Especially when it was Stell who made it.

Stell knew what Paulo wanted, how Paulo liked it just a tad bit spicier, and where the nutmeg and cinnamon made its way into his nostrils. It was his comfort.

But then, it started tasting, different.

Paulo’s hands didn’t stop trembling and Stell was becoming worried. Stell asked what was wrong and Paulo’s eyes were fixed on the brick wall, right above the fireplace where embers flickered in and out of Paulo’s eyes like they were dead.

Paulo’s eyes used to be chocolate rich, but Stell couldn’t see it now. And it scared him.

**_“Baby,”_** Stell pleaded. **_“Tell me what’s wrong, please?”_**

Paulo couldn’t say a word, he couldn’t do it, he didn’t want to. He didn’t know what to say. He lifted the warm mug near his mouth and before it reached and seared his lips, his eyes welled up in haste. His hands trembled and a pained sob poured out of his mouth.

**_“Oh my god, Paulo,”_** Stell cried as well as he pulled his beloved closer to his body. Stell didn’t know what to do and it was killing him.

He was scared. Fucking scared, and he didn’t know why.

**_“Stell, “_** Paulo’s voice cracked, his eyes were wet and the reddest they had ever been. His chest hurt, really hurt and his throat burned each time he took a breath. **_“Stell, I—“_**

Paulo couldn’t say it. It was wrong. It was so wrong, everything was wrong. How could he? How could he do this?

His hands could no longer hold the mug as he continued to shiver, he wanted to throw up.

The mug slipped from his hands and crashed onto the wooden floor. Paulo thought it was his heart, and he cried harder. Paulo never thought there existed such kind of pain.

Stell stood up and wiped his eyes. **_“Let me clean the floor. Just, uhh, please stay there. Let me, P-Paulo, give me, one moment. O-okay? I’ll—“_**

**_“No, Stell, no. P-please. Don’t leave. I—, I need, we need to t-talk.”_ **

Stell was already crying as hard as Paulo, and still, he didn’t know what was going on. He stayed in his seat as Paulo held his hands between his. Paulo’s hands were cold, like his eyes, they felt dead. The warmth was not there. The warmth of summer, the softness of spring, they were no longer there.

**_“Stell,”_** Paulo started, hiccupping in between tears. **_“I’m, I’m sorry. Please. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want this. It’s not your fault. None of these is your fault. You were never in the wrong. It was me. Stell, it was me. I’m so sorry.”_**

Stell shuddered and he wanted to take his hands away from Paulo’s hold but Paulo wouldn’t let him.

**_“Paulo, just please, tell me what’s going on because I don’t fucking understand a thing!”_ **

Paulo lowered his head and squeezed his eyes shut, tears fell into their meshed hands like a fountain flowing mercilessly into the lake.

There was no end.

**_“I’m, I’m sorry. You don’t…deserve me,”_** Paulo wailed, and he gripped Stell’s hands tighter, like he wanted to crush them but couldn’t. **_“I—, I, don’t love you anymore, S-Stell. Please, let me go. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”_**

Paulo melted into the ground and dropped on his knees, bowing his head before Stell’s feet as his tears continued to stain the floor.

**_“It’s not your fault. I swear, it wasn’t your fault.”_ **

**_“Y-you’re, breaking up, with me?”_ **

Paulo gazed up and his heart bled once more.

**_“I..wasn’t enough,”_** Stell whispered. **_“I will never be enough for you, after all.”_**

The panic that ripped through Paulo made him want to faint. It wasn’t Stell’s fault. Stell was perfect as he was. And there was nobody else. Paulo loved Stell genuinely, but, it died sometime before the leaves turned orange. Or it must have been before that. But Paulo was sure he was in love with Stell when they were rolling in the sands of summer and ice cream melted in their skins as they kissed.

He loved Stell madly.

It was all Paulo’s fault.

Paulo stood with trembling knees and wanted to hug Stell, didn’t know what was right or wrong, but it wasn’t Stell’s fault. Paulo needed to tell him that, whatever happens. It was all Paulo’s fault. But he could no longer open his mouth as his head snapped into the side when Stell’s palm met his cheek.

For a moment, he thought he had gone deaf. But Paulo knew it was needed, it was deserved.

**_“Get out!”_** Stell yelled. **_“Get the fuck out of my house!”_**

**_“I really loved you, Stell. Please listen to me.”_ **

_Loved_.

There it was. It was really over. It was really dead.

Paulo tumbled backward as Stell shoved him on his feet, screaming.

**_“I never want to see your face! Ever!”_ **

As Paulo disappeared into the rain, Stell slumped across the floor and let his tears burn his face. He beat his chest and screamed and pounded his fist on the floor until it hurt. He wanted to hurt so much, hurt until there was nothing left in him. He no longer wanted to hear his own voice.

From the pocket of his trench coat, he took the small velvet box out and flicked a thumb on the lid. The gold ring shone against the light, taunting him, cursing at him.

_**“You said you’ll always be mine,”** _

The ring glimmered so bright it blinded him, and it was all he ever wanted. Now, Paulo will never know.

He hurled the velvet box into the fireplace and watched the flame lick on its edges until it turned black.

With one last sparkle on the ring, his tears gleamed as well and Stell lied on the cold floor. He closed his eyes, not wanting to open them ever again.


End file.
